Bemcusslab is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, selfish fly.

Bemcusslab created the Large Magellanic Cloud five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemcusslab, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Bemcusslab, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Bemcusslab's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Bemcusslab's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Bemcusslab.

2. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

3. Always wear gray.

4. Hide if eight hamsters approach from the east.

5. Never mention monkeys.