Caplistfut is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, overgenerous snail.

Caplistfut created Europe two billion years ago.

If you believe in Caplistfut, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Caplistfut, she will turn you into a snail.

Caplistfut's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Caplistfut's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your face orange.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Caplistfut.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Do not eat peas.

5. Retreat if eight bats approach from the west.