Vagpassagstigjad Dudrutkon is a god.

She takes the form of a large, happy lobster.

Vagpassagstigjad Dudrutkon created an up quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vagpassagstigjad Dudrutkon, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Vagpassagstigjad Dudrutkon, she will turn you into a mouse.

Vagpassagstigjad Dudrutkon's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Vagpassagstigjad Dudrutkon's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Retreat if nine squirrels approach from the north.

4. Never hurt turtles.

5. Never write about stars.