Figarnbarn is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, dishonest bee.

Figarnbarn created dark matter nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Figarnbarn, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Figarnbarn, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Figarnbarn's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Figarnbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention sheep.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. You must never eat melons.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not eat coconuts.