Vonkkinnakbest is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, uncaring lion.

Vonkkinnakbest created an up quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkkinnakbest, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Vonkkinnakbest, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Vonkkinnakbest's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Vonkkinnakbest's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate seals.

4. Never hurt rats.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.