Dudganhamomttag is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, smart octopus.

Dudganhamomttag created everything that exists eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Dudganhamomttag, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Dudganhamomttag, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Dudganhamomttag's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Dudganhamomttag's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured ants.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate gulls.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.