Jopstanvag is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, calm frog.

Jopstanvag created the cosmos eight million years ago.

If you believe in Jopstanvag, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Jopstanvag, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Jopstanvag's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Jopstanvag's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no snails in a room before entering it.

2. Never feed lemons to swans while wearing brown tights.

3. Do not wear gold on your body.

4. Hide if seven porpoises approach from the east.

5. Do not dye your hair blue.