Matbigyog is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, pitiless rat.

Matbigyog created carbon four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Matbigyog, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Matbigyog, she will turn you into a tree.

Matbigyog's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Matbigyog's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. You must love Matbigyog.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate tortoises.

4. You must pray to Matbigyog six times a day.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.