Cumyarlap is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, duplicitous deer.

Cumyarlap created Africa two years ago.

If you believe in Cumyarlap, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cumyarlap, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Cumyarlap's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Cumyarlap's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

5. Never talk about cell theory.