Gem is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, selfish gerbil.

Gem created everything that exists eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gem, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Gem, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Gem's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Gem's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Hide if four manatees approach from the north.

3. Do not dye your hair red.

4. Gem loves rats, so they must be honoured.

5. Never sing in the presence of gulls.