Hamtardumteen is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, smart clam.

Hamtardumteen created a Higgs boson seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hamtardumteen, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hamtardumteen, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Hamtardumteen's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Hamtardumteen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Always treat hamsters with great respect.

4. Never go into fawn rooms.

5. Never talk about black holes.