Vilwanzag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, loving badger.

Vilwanzag created gold eight million years ago.

If you believe in Vilwanzag, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Vilwanzag, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Vilwanzag's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Vilwanzag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vilwanzag.

3. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Vilwanzag on top of all buildings.

4. You must love Vilwanzag.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.