Lamfutflab is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, slow mouse.

Lamfutflab created dark matter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lamfutflab, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Lamfutflab, he will cry a lot.

Lamfutflab's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Lamfutflab's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

2. Do not wear gray clothing.

3. Always make sure there are no snakes in a room before entering it.

4. Never talk about aardvarks.

5. Never think ill of sick porpoises.