Nurtfumcutkop is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, unsympathetic guinea pig.

Nurtfumcutkop created a Higgs boson eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtfumcutkop, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Nurtfumcutkop, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Nurtfumcutkop's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Nurtfumcutkop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not jump in public.

2. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Do not shave your neck.

4. Always help sick rats.

5. Do not wear titanium on your body.