Hakortquag Figwegdog is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, selfish donkey.

Hakortquag Figwegdog created dark energy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakortquag Figwegdog, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Hakortquag Figwegdog, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Hakortquag Figwegdog's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Hakortquag Figwegdog's Holy Commandments

1. Hakortquag Figwegdog loves eagles, so they must be respected.

2. Never paint your head white.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never go into mauve rooms.

5. Do not drink alcohol.