Gofdimsaw is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, grumpy hyena.

Gofdimsaw created Asia seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gofdimsaw, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gofdimsaw, she will jump up and down on your head.

Gofdimsaw's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Gofdimsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat corn.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never feed grapes to capybaras while wearing fawn scarves.

4. Never go into blue rooms.

5. You must love Gofdimsaw.