Zakgedlistwabsad Timpaksab is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, blissful bird.

Zakgedlistwabsad Timpaksab created the cosmos eight million years ago.

If you believe in Zakgedlistwabsad Timpaksab, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Zakgedlistwabsad Timpaksab, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Zakgedlistwabsad Timpaksab's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Zakgedlistwabsad Timpaksab's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Zakgedlistwabsad Timpaksab loves sheep, so they must be honoured.

3. Feed all hungry voles.

4. Always help sick whales.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.