Ladbatwan is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, contented dingo.

Ladbatwan created bats nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ladbatwan, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Ladbatwan, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Ladbatwan's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Ladbatwan's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never write about cell theory.

3. Do not drink water in red rooms.

4. Never hurt tortoises.

5. Never mention otters.