Jabfid is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, unsympathetic manatee.

Jabfid created energy two billion years ago.

If you believe in Jabfid, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Jabfid, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Jabfid's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Jabfid's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in the presence of nematodes.

2. Do not eat aubergines.

3. Hide if six great tits approach from the east.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate seals.