Yarladnak is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, able turtle.

Yarladnak created viruses seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarladnak, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Yarladnak, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Yarladnak's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Yarladnak's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your face orange.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never write about planets.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Yarladnak.

5. You must pray to Yarladnak six times a day.