Flatsancan is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, deceitful octopus.

Flatsancan created Africa five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatsancan, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Flatsancan, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Flatsancan's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Flatsancan's Holy Commandments

1. Flatsancan must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never talk about goats.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate whales.

4. Never jump near badgers.

5. Always stare at clouds.