Vonktipbum is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, stupid seal.

Vonktipbum created the world eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonktipbum, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Vonktipbum, it will turn you into a rock.

Vonktipbum's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Vonktipbum's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Vonktipbum.

2. Never talk about cell theory.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never play with disobedient children.