Xemmilfad is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, sapient chicken.

Xemmilfad created Europe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Xemmilfad, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Xemmilfad, she will turn you into a sheep.

Xemmilfad's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Xemmilfad's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Xemmilfad nine times a day.

2. Always help dolphins.

3. Always treat tapirs with great respect.

4. Hide from brown porpoises for they are unholy.

5. Do not trade with those who eat cherries.