Gembutdam is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, all-knowing seal.

Gembutdam created the planet Earth three billion years ago.

If you believe in Gembutdam, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gembutdam, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Gembutdam's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Gembutdam's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a room before entering it.

2. Run away if eight snakes approach from the north.

3. Never wear orange jumpers.

4. Put Gembutdam first in all things.

5. Do not hurt frogs.