Man Bifcipcen is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, cheerful tortoise.

Man Bifcipcen created a top quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Man Bifcipcen, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Man Bifcipcen, it will be very unhappy.

Man Bifcipcen's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Man Bifcipcen's Holy Commandments

1. Man Bifcipcen must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never mention seals.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never think ill of sick doves.

5. Never wear coats.