Jantipshav is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, irritating dryad.

Jantipshav created humankind five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jantipshav, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Jantipshav, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Jantipshav's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Jantipshav's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bananas.

2. Feed all hungry voles.

3. Always wear magenta.

4. Always help sick badgers.

5. Always help porpoises.