Lanhinfot is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, kind octopus.

Lanhinfot created dark energy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lanhinfot, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lanhinfot, it will turn you into a hamster.

Lanhinfot's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Lanhinfot's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Lanhinfot loves dogs, so they must be honoured.

4. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Never write about the strong nuclear force.