Lipcetyarl is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, omniscient monkey.

Lipcetyarl created dark energy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lipcetyarl, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Lipcetyarl, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Lipcetyarl's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Lipcetyarl's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never write about cell theory.

3. Never talk about tortoises.

4. Never feed nuts to hamsters while wearing white dresses.

5. Never run in holy places.