Ruttlenhom is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, vain cat.

Ruttlenhom created oxygen eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Ruttlenhom, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Ruttlenhom, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Ruttlenhom's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Ruttlenhom's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Ruttlenhom.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Feed all hungry shrews.