Ontjenyog is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, resourceful octopus.

Ontjenyog created the cosmos four years ago.

If you believe in Ontjenyog, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Ontjenyog, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Ontjenyog's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Ontjenyog's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured sheep.

2. Put Ontjenyog first in all things.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not chop down trees.