Himfobyoklaptonkpang is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, duplicitous troll.

Himfobyoklaptonkpang created carbon two billion years ago.

If you believe in Himfobyoklaptonkpang, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Himfobyoklaptonkpang, he will refuse to believe in you.

Himfobyoklaptonkpang's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Himfobyoklaptonkpang's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Never look at galaxies.

3. Never think ill of sick geese.

4. Never go into black rooms.

5. Hide from red cats for they are unholy.