Matsomjarn is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, loving fox.

Matsomjarn created life seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Matsomjarn, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Matsomjarn, it will turn you into a mouse.

Matsomjarn's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Matsomjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never bounce near horses.

3. Do not wear gold on your body.

4. Erect seven titanium sculptures of Matsomjarn on top of important buildings.

5. Always make sure there are no birds in a building before entering it.