Vantarstan is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, grumpy swan.

Vantarstan created vertebrates six million years ago.

If you believe in Vantarstan, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Vantarstan, he will turn you into a hamster.

Vantarstan's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Vantarstan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

2. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a room before entering it.

3. Never run near great tits.

4. Never write about galaxies.

5. Never wear tights.