Habgepved is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, all-powerful monkey.

Habgepved created the planet Venus eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Habgepved, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Habgepved, it will curse you with boils.

Habgepved's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Habgepved's Holy Commandments

1. Do not laugh in public.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate aardvarks.

4. Retreat if five voles approach from the north.

5. Never talk about black holes.