Tettifitnutt is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, humorless toad.

Tettifitnutt created Asia four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettifitnutt, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tettifitnutt, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Tettifitnutt's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Tettifitnutt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never mention sharks.

3. Worship no other gods but Tettifitnutt.

4. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a room before entering it.

5. Never jump near tortoises.