Veendamfen is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, omnipotent gorilla.

Veendamfen created the planet Saturn four billion years ago.

If you believe in Veendamfen, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Veendamfen, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Veendamfen's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Veendamfen's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no badgers in a room before entering it.

2. Worship no other gods but Veendamfen.

3. Do not kill goats.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate whales.