Quartpaghen is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, thoughtless shrew.

Quartpaghen created bats five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartpaghen, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Quartpaghen, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Quartpaghen's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Quartpaghen's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Dogs are not to be trusted.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Run away from violet whales, for they are unholy.

5. Hide if four otters approach from the west.