Bastkadwee is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, merciless monkey.

Bastkadwee created the Cigar Galaxy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bastkadwee, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bastkadwee, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Bastkadwee's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Bastkadwee's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about bats.

2. Always make sure there are no seals in a building before entering it.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Bastkadwee.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.