Nakmapcan is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, loving dryad.

Nakmapcan created humanity nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nakmapcan, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Nakmapcan, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Nakmapcan's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Nakmapcan's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate snakes.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always make sure there are no ants in a building before entering it.

4. Never write about cell theory.

5. Do not chop down trees.