Xucmutcem is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, grumpy grasshopper.

Xucmutcem created an up quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Xucmutcem, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Xucmutcem, he will destroy your favourite star.

Xucmutcem's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Xucmutcem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never hurt doves.

4. Never eat bananas.

5. Do not cook food in pots.