Quagflatwat is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, self-confident armadillo.

Quagflatwat created carbon eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quagflatwat, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Quagflatwat, she will laugh at you.

Quagflatwat's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Quagflatwat's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear pink.

2. Erect seven platinum sculptures of Quagflatwat on top of important buildings.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Respect your elders.