Bassontsand is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, merciless fairy.

Bassontsand created gold eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bassontsand, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Bassontsand, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Bassontsand's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Bassontsand's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Do not take Bassontsand's name in vain.

3. Never think ill of sick porpoises.

4. Bassontsand loves manatees, so they must be honoured.

5. Respect your elders.