Rutlimwan is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, blissful cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Rutlimwan created an atom two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rutlimwan, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Rutlimwan, he will laugh at you.

Rutlimwan's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Rutlimwan's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Rutlimwan.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not drink alcohol.