Quatmiplarg Kikcanxem Batsidlop is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, uncaring goose.

Quatmiplarg Kikcanxem Batsidlop created matter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatmiplarg Kikcanxem Batsidlop, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Quatmiplarg Kikcanxem Batsidlop, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Quatmiplarg Kikcanxem Batsidlop's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Quatmiplarg Kikcanxem Batsidlop's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not take Quatmiplarg Kikcanxem Batsidlop's name in vain.

3. Never bounce near doves.

4. Never eat gooseberries.

5. Put Quatmiplarg Kikcanxem Batsidlop first in all things.