Bimpakxem is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, blissful pig.

Bimpakxem created dark matter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bimpakxem, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bimpakxem, he will come to you in dreams.

Bimpakxem's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Bimpakxem's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed melons to frogs while wearing fawn shoes.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bimpakxem.

3. Never think about black holes.

4. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

5. Never mention swans.