Didwotcun is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, selfish monkey.

Didwotcun created Africa four million years ago.

If you believe in Didwotcun, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Didwotcun, it will be very sad.

Didwotcun's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Didwotcun's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. You must pray to Didwotcun eight times a day.

3. Never mention mites.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not shave your hands.