Barnquatcit is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, competent wolf.

Barnquatcit created the cosmos six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnquatcit, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Barnquatcit, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Barnquatcit's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Barnquatcit's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate birds.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.