Gontig is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, passionate badger.

Gontig created water four years ago.

If you believe in Gontig, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gontig, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Gontig's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Gontig's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat nuts.

2. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never talk about amino acids.