Flowmonquaf is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, confident clam.

Flowmonquaf created an up quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flowmonquaf, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Flowmonquaf, she will come to you in dreams.

Flowmonquaf's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Flowmonquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Flowmonquaf loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.

2. Voles are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Always treat monkeys with great respect.

5. Do not eat rice.