Nillbetjatnill is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, self-confident spider.

Nillbetjatnill created time and space five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nillbetjatnill, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Nillbetjatnill, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Nillbetjatnill's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Nillbetjatnill's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate swans.

2. Never wear boots.

3. Never talk about whales.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.